“We’re like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don’t need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are — as soon as we quit pretending we’re small or unholy.”
What makes you veer away from what you are aiming for?
Rejection. Disappointment. Failure. Truth.
Perhaps all of those. But for me, truth is my way of convincing myself that I should give up on something (or someone, as the case may be). I like to know, because it is only through knowing that I can understand. When I am denied of something, I persist. When things do not turn out the way I planned them, I adapt and improvise. When life fails me, I bounce back. But when truth refutes my belief or my argument, it is hard to persist, adapt, and bounce back.
In this sense, I think my curiosity is both a gift and a curse. It is a gift because knowing I can only be swayed by facts, my curiosity means I do not have to live in a make-believe world. It is a curse because it makes me want to subject myself to extreme emotions in a very short span of time. But I will take this curse any time, if only to free myself from daydreaming or an illusion. I will take truth any time, if only to release someone from an undeserved anxiety. Pardon the cliche, but in this particular case, truth will truly set every one free.
And so, to you (who inspired me to travel more, to take on new adventures, to embrace other cultures, to climb a mountain, and to join a race and run again), if you are reading this (and I sincerely hope you stumble upon this blog), I am deeply sorry. I did not know. But now that I do, I will understand and respect the truth. I thank you though for pushing me to be the best in what I do, teaching me to be self-forgiving when I fucked up things, and inspiring me to be awesome in my personal life.
“If those whom we begin to love could know us as we were before meeting them… they could perceive what they have made of us.” – Albert Camus